The train has seriously been derailed lately. Last night hubby said the cruelest thing ever. He called my womb old and withered. It was so vicious. I just started to cry. He put the final nail in the coffin for me. I thought maybe I was depressed before, but now I know I am. I have no energy, no desire to do anything anymore. I just want to sleep. I can barely get moving.
Today my goal is to hit the gym. I have a lot on my plate, but I think I can make it happen. I just need some motivation.
Monday, September 22, 2014
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Under enthused...
Yup that's about what I've got here. I was supposed to go to New London last night and just didn't feel like it. Wasn't up for dealing with a diva. I'll call him today. I just want to go play. I'm not sure why. I am frustrated by my diet to no end and ready to throw in the towel. I feel like I've had very little success. I also feel like a quitter when it comes to the gym. I've been sleeping 10 hours a night, plus an hour nap for the past few days. I can't seem to get out of my own way. So tired of being fat and feeling ugly because of it.
I need help with the drinking but hubby would never understand. I sneaked a beer and some cherries at lunch yesterday and then went to the bar and had two beers instead of going to that appointment. I feel terrible about it.
Ok, enough of that. Let's find the positives. My sauce came out awesome. Pretty sure hubby ruined the first batch by putting way too much baking soda in it. Of course try and tell him that. I got a proposal out yesterday. Hopefully I can get two more out today. One more thing on the upside....the might actually be money in the bank and the bills getting paid.
I need help with the drinking but hubby would never understand. I sneaked a beer and some cherries at lunch yesterday and then went to the bar and had two beers instead of going to that appointment. I feel terrible about it.
Ok, enough of that. Let's find the positives. My sauce came out awesome. Pretty sure hubby ruined the first batch by putting way too much baking soda in it. Of course try and tell him that. I got a proposal out yesterday. Hopefully I can get two more out today. One more thing on the upside....the might actually be money in the bank and the bills getting paid.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Ho hum
Blah. What a bummer. Measured my waist line this morning and it's up to 41". I want to cry because yesterday was a pretty good day. Two cheats. Ice cream and a frozen burrito. Drank the lemon water, got a vinegar tonic in. Homemade eggplant parm for lunch. Breakfast was a handful of almonds.
Went to the grocery store. Very expensive, but worth it I hope. Thought it was pretty funny that the store was out of organic eggs except the 6 pack type. One woman walked by and said, "Oh, look. They're out of eggs." Well I thought to myself, "Well, at least the good kind".
No exercise yesterday. Still tired from Maine. Slept in until 6:30. Have an appointment at 10:30. Do not want to rush through my day. Kitchen's a mess. Looks like I get to hit Pork Chop Hill tomorrow. Yuck!
God I could use a good swift kick in the ass to buckle down and get some work done. I'm tired of working all the time. I'm tired of the office work. I just want to go punch a clock somewhere and be done with it.
Went to the grocery store. Very expensive, but worth it I hope. Thought it was pretty funny that the store was out of organic eggs except the 6 pack type. One woman walked by and said, "Oh, look. They're out of eggs." Well I thought to myself, "Well, at least the good kind".
No exercise yesterday. Still tired from Maine. Slept in until 6:30. Have an appointment at 10:30. Do not want to rush through my day. Kitchen's a mess. Looks like I get to hit Pork Chop Hill tomorrow. Yuck!
God I could use a good swift kick in the ass to buckle down and get some work done. I'm tired of working all the time. I'm tired of the office work. I just want to go punch a clock somewhere and be done with it.
Monday, September 1, 2014
After the trip....
WOW! That's about what sums it up for me. 2 days of not drinking lemon water in the morning, and eating whatever was available resulted in an inch and a half increase in my waist line. We can follow up that wow with a yikes.
So back home and back on track. Lemon water check. Up next is the whole vinegar tonic mix. I can do this. I must do this. I need to do the menu planning piece today and grocery shop. The house is a mess and needs some TLC. I can't believe it's nearly 9 AM and hubby is sleeping away and I have next to nothing done. I don't want to work today, but have clients with needs.
Goals for today are to
1) Menu plan and grocery shop
2) tomato sauce
3) garden goodies....
4) estimates
5) clean house!
Wish me luck! That's a lot to get done.
So back home and back on track. Lemon water check. Up next is the whole vinegar tonic mix. I can do this. I must do this. I need to do the menu planning piece today and grocery shop. The house is a mess and needs some TLC. I can't believe it's nearly 9 AM and hubby is sleeping away and I have next to nothing done. I don't want to work today, but have clients with needs.
Goals for today are to
1) Menu plan and grocery shop
2) tomato sauce
3) garden goodies....
4) estimates
5) clean house!
Wish me luck! That's a lot to get done.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Day 2....
Mornings equal me time. Yesterday was not a good day regarding the whole eat clean thing. So much on my plate and not wanting to do any of it. God I need the gifts of perseverance and determination today. While you're at it would you throw in a side of faith?
Hot dogs are my weakness. We have two cases of them. The water thing also went to pot yesterday. I have a mountain of laundry to get through, tons of office work to do, and a toddler to help. Plus I need to get to the walk in clinic for pink eye. Oh, yeah this day is stacked for success. Success of not getting shit done.
I hear Audrey in her crib. She wakes up so happy. Listening to her play and sing and talk to herself is my morning joy. I love how she is content to play (most days) in her crib. Of course if she hears me, it's another story.
I got the lemon water in today. Organic coffee with organic milk. Yesterday started out so good. I had a smoothie with Greek yogurt, kale, coconut water, mixed berries, chia seeds, and honey. Most of the stuff was organic, too.
Then the day snow balled at the DMV. It was hijacked by paperwork. There went getting stuff done. Grrrrr. I had to pull Ben off the truck, and I thought the boss deserves a treat for this bullshit, so we went out to lunch. Mexican with a beer, and I woke up this morning thinking I didn't drink yesterday. I was wrong. Damn it! I wasn't too upset about the Mexican food, but the hot dogs with a bun are what did the day in for me. After that I gave up and had ice cream and forewent the vinegar tonic. But I did brush my teeth before bed with my super fancy toothpaste.
Ok, working on the positives now. Audrey was awesome at the DMV. It was super nice to have lunch with hubby yesterday, and I got one proposal done yesterday.
Hot dogs are my weakness. We have two cases of them. The water thing also went to pot yesterday. I have a mountain of laundry to get through, tons of office work to do, and a toddler to help. Plus I need to get to the walk in clinic for pink eye. Oh, yeah this day is stacked for success. Success of not getting shit done.
I hear Audrey in her crib. She wakes up so happy. Listening to her play and sing and talk to herself is my morning joy. I love how she is content to play (most days) in her crib. Of course if she hears me, it's another story.
I got the lemon water in today. Organic coffee with organic milk. Yesterday started out so good. I had a smoothie with Greek yogurt, kale, coconut water, mixed berries, chia seeds, and honey. Most of the stuff was organic, too.
Then the day snow balled at the DMV. It was hijacked by paperwork. There went getting stuff done. Grrrrr. I had to pull Ben off the truck, and I thought the boss deserves a treat for this bullshit, so we went out to lunch. Mexican with a beer, and I woke up this morning thinking I didn't drink yesterday. I was wrong. Damn it! I wasn't too upset about the Mexican food, but the hot dogs with a bun are what did the day in for me. After that I gave up and had ice cream and forewent the vinegar tonic. But I did brush my teeth before bed with my super fancy toothpaste.
Ok, working on the positives now. Audrey was awesome at the DMV. It was super nice to have lunch with hubby yesterday, and I got one proposal done yesterday.
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
More for me...
There are a lot of catalysts that led me to blogging. Really it's more about keeping a journal than it is about someone stumbling across this blog and reading it for their entertainment.
My mom's stomach cancer, my aunt's melanoma, and finishing out 2013 with my pneumonia and open 2014 with a possible mass in my lungs are the things that lead me to examine my lifestyle choices. This is a quest for better living through better health.
I just finished the Science of Skinny by Dee McCaffrey. What an interesting look at food. Fell in love with the geeky science of her theory. However, the nuts and bolts of it are a lot like the South Beach Diet book I read and have followed and failed at. Very time consuming. She recommends walking for forty five minutes six days a week. Who has 6 hours a week to give up? Not me. The recipes look yummy, but I don't have 8 hours a day to spend in the kitchen. I need grab and go food for my busy lifestyle.
I guess the biggest affirmation I got out of this book was I wasn't doing that bad to begin with. I don't eat a lot of processed foods per say. When I do, they are USDA certified organic. Good, right? Wrong. Come to find out [and according to Dee] there are a lot of hidden things like soy lectin in those foods, so they're going away. Just means I've got to make my own granola bars and bread. I was already doing popcorn the way she likes it. It's going to be a challenge to give up cooking with traditional oils, and I'm still not clear on peanut oil and what kind of fat it is.
I'm getting down the warm lemon water in the AM. I have a bottle of lemon juice I'll use up before I go buy fresh lemons. I also already had on my shelf Bragg's apple cider vinegar to make the detox drink. I'm not sure about getting those down 3 times a day. Dee recommends mixing up a gallon at a clip. Gotta remember to try that. The Bragg's stuff is expensive though. I just hope I can afford to go through it more frequently.
Yesterday wasn't too bad food wise. I ate processed free right up until the end. I had a screaming headache. I could barely keep my eyes open, so I caved and had some very unnatural, unhealthy ice cream. Oh, and as I walked through the living room to offer my husband some ice cream he was munching on a bag of pretzels. I grabbed a handful.
Now for a bit of personal philosophy that I pulled out of the vacuum of life exposure. I do not believe in perfection. It is nearly impossible to obtain in this existence. IF obtained, entropy quickly strips it away. Just think about dusting your house for a minute if you don't believe me.
Ultimately though, I am going to try to improve my choices for a better life. I am not happy with my weight or how I look. I try to go to the gym and was doing very well for a while [3-5 times a week]. Now work [landscaping/self employed] is busy so I don't have that kind of time or energy, but I think pulling weeds for 6 hours a day; three times a week should count for something, so I'm not mentally distraught over not getting to the gym.
However, one thing Dee did recommend is keeping a journal. I miss writing, so let's see if I can't make this into a habit.
My mom's stomach cancer, my aunt's melanoma, and finishing out 2013 with my pneumonia and open 2014 with a possible mass in my lungs are the things that lead me to examine my lifestyle choices. This is a quest for better living through better health.
I just finished the Science of Skinny by Dee McCaffrey. What an interesting look at food. Fell in love with the geeky science of her theory. However, the nuts and bolts of it are a lot like the South Beach Diet book I read and have followed and failed at. Very time consuming. She recommends walking for forty five minutes six days a week. Who has 6 hours a week to give up? Not me. The recipes look yummy, but I don't have 8 hours a day to spend in the kitchen. I need grab and go food for my busy lifestyle.
I guess the biggest affirmation I got out of this book was I wasn't doing that bad to begin with. I don't eat a lot of processed foods per say. When I do, they are USDA certified organic. Good, right? Wrong. Come to find out [and according to Dee] there are a lot of hidden things like soy lectin in those foods, so they're going away. Just means I've got to make my own granola bars and bread. I was already doing popcorn the way she likes it. It's going to be a challenge to give up cooking with traditional oils, and I'm still not clear on peanut oil and what kind of fat it is.
I'm getting down the warm lemon water in the AM. I have a bottle of lemon juice I'll use up before I go buy fresh lemons. I also already had on my shelf Bragg's apple cider vinegar to make the detox drink. I'm not sure about getting those down 3 times a day. Dee recommends mixing up a gallon at a clip. Gotta remember to try that. The Bragg's stuff is expensive though. I just hope I can afford to go through it more frequently.
Yesterday wasn't too bad food wise. I ate processed free right up until the end. I had a screaming headache. I could barely keep my eyes open, so I caved and had some very unnatural, unhealthy ice cream. Oh, and as I walked through the living room to offer my husband some ice cream he was munching on a bag of pretzels. I grabbed a handful.
Now for a bit of personal philosophy that I pulled out of the vacuum of life exposure. I do not believe in perfection. It is nearly impossible to obtain in this existence. IF obtained, entropy quickly strips it away. Just think about dusting your house for a minute if you don't believe me.
Ultimately though, I am going to try to improve my choices for a better life. I am not happy with my weight or how I look. I try to go to the gym and was doing very well for a while [3-5 times a week]. Now work [landscaping/self employed] is busy so I don't have that kind of time or energy, but I think pulling weeds for 6 hours a day; three times a week should count for something, so I'm not mentally distraught over not getting to the gym.
However, one thing Dee did recommend is keeping a journal. I miss writing, so let's see if I can't make this into a habit.
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